A little history

It all started six years ago. Fast forward past two years of fertility treatments and we arrived at adoption. I always thought that adoption would be part of our journey. We had talked about it. I didn't think that it would happen this way but it did.

Here is a little part of our journey so you can better understand the path we have walked, the passion we have for adoption and why we are fighting so hard after six years. Our first adoption attempt was a domestic attempt. It was private, meaning no agency was involved. We had the best lawyer in town who walked us and the birth mother through each step. She met with our social worker. I went to the ultrasound appointments. She told us to have a baby shower. We were matched with her for over four months. It doesn't seem long looking back but it only takes a minute to be 100% in. Many things happened to prevent this adoption from taking place but it was not because the mother opted to parent. The baby girl did not go to live with her but went into family foster care. We had started a relationship with her parents, her other children, etc. Things unraveled at the very end due to the birth father and a variety of other things. It was a tough situation for the mother. She was in a position, with pressures I can't imagine, and I can't say I would have done anything different. She was scared for her life. It was awful and our first taste of how hard this could be.

We were SOO naive when we started with our second adoption. It was going to be an international adoption because IA is easy. There are so many children who need families. I would just fill out my paperwork and wait. Things would all work out. We would just move through all the steps and we would be parents. BOO. That didn't happen either. We started our adoption process for Africa in 2009. We picked the wrong agency. They were awful. Really awful. Their parent agency had good reviews and we were fooled into thinking they were the same people with the same ethical policies. Um, not so much. Our home study agency advised us to file formal complaints against them because they were so appalled at the treatment we received and how they literally blackmailed us. It was awesome! No stress at all. On top of the awful agency the country decided to close it's doors to international adoption. We were devastated again. But wait! They were going to let us stay in "line" since we had already been approved. We were so happy. This was going to be it. We waited and waited and waited for news of progress. The government changed governing adoption authority. Hired new people. Put new policies in place but we were still in line. Still waiting for a referral. Then it happened! In Feb 2012 we were matched! With a baby boy! As the months ticked on we could tell things were not going well. We needed ONE signature. That was it. After that signature was placed on our referral documents we would have been there in 72 hours. We waited for months for the one signature that never came. For a variety of reasons that I may never fully understand, our file was closed and the little boy was left in the orphanage. He is still here today. All of the waiting families and matched children had their files closed. It was determined that they were better off in an orphanage in Africa then in a family in the US. The government has a hope and dream that all children in their country can be taken care of within their own borders. I wish that for them as well. It's just not a reality. The children living in the orphanages now are left in the wake of dreams for the future. They are being denied homes. Being denied families. This adoption has been the longest and the hardest by far. I think it's because I know he is still in the orphanage. I know which orphanage. I hear stories from people who visit. It's hard to wrap your mind around.


Insert the Yellow Fever I contracted from the vaccine I got in order to travel to Africa. Not sure which paragraph to put that in but it totally needs to be in here somewhere!

In the middle of the Africa adoption we attempted to adopt from Ukraine. We were not looking for that adoption. Not even a little. I found her on a waiting child website and just KNEW that we were supposed to adopt her. I convinced our home study agency to allow a concurrent adoption, which they never do, so we could adopt her. Whipped up the documents, mailed them to Ukraine and thought we were going to travel in a couple of months when we got "the call". Long story short the little girl who we thought was our daughter never would be. We named her, carried her pictures around, prepared her room and it never happened. We were matched with a child that was not cleared for international adoption. We were devastated again.

That is three stories of adoption hot mess. This is not everyone's story. Some people start their adoptions and are home with their bundle of joy in 5 minutes flat. It is easy. Joyful. Fast. Seamless. And then there are people who have a failed adoption. A birthmother decides placement is no longer her plan. A country closes to international adoption. And then there is us. People who have had every.single.awful.experience. Don't let our story scare you away from adoption. It's NOT LIKE THIS! I also want to point out that we are not complete idiots either. Our awful agency was Hague accredited and completed over 15,000 adoptions. Our Ukraine attempt was through an organization that only matched children with special needs. They do hundreds of adoptions a year. A story about them was shared on the national nightly new as a great program. Our domestic attempt just went south because of absolute craziness. I promise I research. Things just happen.

So here we are at our China adoption. We have a GREAT agency. We are in a STABLE program. Our agency has assured me 175x that this adoption will happen. We will be matched. We will be approved. We will be parents. We will. We will. We will.

There is our adoption journey summed up in a few paragraphs. It's long. It's crazy. It's moving in the right direction!