The adoption process can be very confusing for family and friends who are supporting us along the way. I totally stole this abbreviation list from the great Carrie E! Thanks Carrie!!
Process Abbreviations
Explanation of abbreviations and overall process of the flow of how our adoption will unfold:
CCAI: Our agency Chinese Children
HS: We completed our homestudy
I-800a sent: We file our I-800 with US Immigration
I-800a approval: We receive our I-800 approval from the NBC
DTC: Dossier sent by CCAI to China
LID: Dossier logged in with the China Center for Child Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA), This allows our agency to begin looking for a match for us!
LOI: We will send a Letter of Intent to the CCCWA once we are matched with a child
PA: CCCWA issues the Pre-Approval of our match
LOA: CCCWA issues a Letter of Acceptance for our adoption of the child with whom we will been matched
Cabled: National Benefits Center sends our I-800 approval to the National Visa Center, who will then cable notification of our approval to the US Consulate in Guangzhou, China.
Cable letter received: We receive a letter or an email notifying us that the US Consulate in China is in receipt of our approval
Article 5: CCAI will send our cable letter to the Consulate and they will issue the "Article 5," which basically states that the child you hope to adopt meets the Hague's definition of "orphan" and can therefore be internationally adopted.
TA: Article 5 picked up from Consulate and delivered to CCWA, who will then issue travel approval
CA: Agency will secure Consulate appointment at the US Consulate in China, then we are notified of travel dates and start making plans to high tail it on over to China!
Family day
Home!!!
Here is where we stand right now:
CCAI - 242 days since we signed with our agency
DTC - 78 days
LID - 68 days
Our agency told us that we would most likely be matched with the first child (we are hoping for two) in 1-6 months after LID. We are 68 days past LID SOOO we are moving right along.
Sample Itinerary for our trip from our agency website:
Day 1 Leave the US for Hong Kong or Beijing. (Another possible entrance airport is Guangzhou)
Day 2 Arrive in Hong Kong or Beijing. Go to your hotel. Free time.
Day 3 Guided Hong Kong or Beijing city tours are optional. (Extra touring may be available in Beijing)
Day 4 Fly from port city to the capital city of your child’s province. Welcomed by CCAI Representatives.
Day 5 Receive your child at the Provincial Registration Office or hotel. Sign the Guardianship Paperwork. CCAI’s contracted medical consultant, if available, will visit your child.
Day 6 Adoption Registration and Notarization appointment at the Provincial governmental offices.
Day 7 Wait for adoption paperwork to be completed for the next few days. Optional shopping trips to the local department store for supplies for your child.
Days 8 Optional half-day city tour of local point of interest.
Day 9 Receive registration certificate, notarized paperwork, and child’s passport. Fly from the provincial capital to Guangzhou where the US Consulate is located. Go to your hotel.
Day 10-11 TB test for children over 2 years old. Rest, shopping, and tour.
Day 12 Visa physical exam and visa photo for your child.
Day 13 CCAI Representative delivers visa packets to US Consulate Adoption Unit and the group goes to the US Consulate to take the oath.
Day 14 Receive your child’s visa.
Day 15 Leave Guangzhou for Hong Kong or Beijing, then depart for the US.
This will vary in a few ways if we are matched with two children.
Hope this helps you follow our journey!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Adoption with SNs
We are participating in the special needs adoption program through China. I have had a few people ask me how this works, what type of special needs, how do they match families with children, etc. I will try to answer some of the most frequent questions.
Do you know what type of special needs your children will have?
Umm, well kinda. Our agency gave us a form that had many many types of special needs listed that the children in the special needs program could be diagnosed with. Each family is able to review the list and mark which medical conditions they feel they could handle. We marked yes, no or maybe for each condition listed. This will help our agency match children with families. We will be matched with a child with any one, or more, of the special needs we feel we can appropriately handle.
How did you select the special needs you were open to?
This is very complicated for us and any family who is adopting through this program. There are many factors that go into determining if you can parent a child with each SN. Everyone must think about their local community - are their specialist near by that can treat this condition? Do you need to live within a certain distance of a children's hospital? Does your insurance cover the needs of that child? Are there local service providers beyond doctors in your area that would be needed? Will the child need surgery? If yes, which parent can take off work for the post-op care? Is your home accessible to that child? Can that child live with pets? The list goes on and on.
It goes far beyond your personal comfort level. We considered requesting a waiting child file but after some insurance research determined that we could not afford the medical needs. We were comfortable with the diagnosis, surgeries needed, rehab required, etc but money played a role.
Since Jake and I both work with children who have a range of needs, we were able to select a large number of special needs from the list that we felt comfortable with. Our agency felt we have a "great" medical checklist. That simply means the agency feels they will be able to match our family with sweet little children!
What types of special needs are included on the list?
There is a very wide range of special needs included that range from very mild to very significant. The milder side includes minor heart conditions, missing digits, repaired cleft lip, minor hearing loss, etc. The more significant needs include significant neurological conditions,children in need of significant surgeries including organ transplants, children with very limited life expectancy, etc.
Where are you on the waiting list?
We don't know. Say there are 20 people on the list and we are number 10. Each person on the list has a different medical checklist from the others. A child's file comes in with the diagnosis of being purple with pink spots. The agency will move through the list to the first family who said they can parent a purple child with pink spots. There could be 4 people in front of us who said "yes" or there could be none. There is no real way to know how many people are ahead of us in the line.
Are you able to review the child's medical condition before you are officially matched?
Yes. Our agency will call us when they feel there is a file that we should review. They will tell us age, gender, diagnosis and a few other details. From that information we can request to review the file or decline. If we accept then we will receive the child's file to review with our doctors before officially accepting the referral.
Right now we are waiting for our phone call. I have NO idea when it will come. Could be tomorrow! Could be in March. We will have just a few days to review the file but I may need about 15 seconds. I feel like I may just yell through the phone "Yes yes yes! I don't even need to see the file. When can I get on the plane?"
Bring on the questions! I hope that this answers a few of your questions about the process.
Do you know what type of special needs your children will have?
Umm, well kinda. Our agency gave us a form that had many many types of special needs listed that the children in the special needs program could be diagnosed with. Each family is able to review the list and mark which medical conditions they feel they could handle. We marked yes, no or maybe for each condition listed. This will help our agency match children with families. We will be matched with a child with any one, or more, of the special needs we feel we can appropriately handle.
How did you select the special needs you were open to?
This is very complicated for us and any family who is adopting through this program. There are many factors that go into determining if you can parent a child with each SN. Everyone must think about their local community - are their specialist near by that can treat this condition? Do you need to live within a certain distance of a children's hospital? Does your insurance cover the needs of that child? Are there local service providers beyond doctors in your area that would be needed? Will the child need surgery? If yes, which parent can take off work for the post-op care? Is your home accessible to that child? Can that child live with pets? The list goes on and on.
It goes far beyond your personal comfort level. We considered requesting a waiting child file but after some insurance research determined that we could not afford the medical needs. We were comfortable with the diagnosis, surgeries needed, rehab required, etc but money played a role.
Since Jake and I both work with children who have a range of needs, we were able to select a large number of special needs from the list that we felt comfortable with. Our agency felt we have a "great" medical checklist. That simply means the agency feels they will be able to match our family with sweet little children!
What types of special needs are included on the list?
There is a very wide range of special needs included that range from very mild to very significant. The milder side includes minor heart conditions, missing digits, repaired cleft lip, minor hearing loss, etc. The more significant needs include significant neurological conditions,children in need of significant surgeries including organ transplants, children with very limited life expectancy, etc.
Where are you on the waiting list?
We don't know. Say there are 20 people on the list and we are number 10. Each person on the list has a different medical checklist from the others. A child's file comes in with the diagnosis of being purple with pink spots. The agency will move through the list to the first family who said they can parent a purple child with pink spots. There could be 4 people in front of us who said "yes" or there could be none. There is no real way to know how many people are ahead of us in the line.
Are you able to review the child's medical condition before you are officially matched?
Yes. Our agency will call us when they feel there is a file that we should review. They will tell us age, gender, diagnosis and a few other details. From that information we can request to review the file or decline. If we accept then we will receive the child's file to review with our doctors before officially accepting the referral.
Right now we are waiting for our phone call. I have NO idea when it will come. Could be tomorrow! Could be in March. We will have just a few days to review the file but I may need about 15 seconds. I feel like I may just yell through the phone "Yes yes yes! I don't even need to see the file. When can I get on the plane?"
Bring on the questions! I hope that this answers a few of your questions about the process.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Also from the old blog...
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope
~Romans 5:3-4
The LORD longs to be gracious to you;
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!
~ Isaiah 30:18
Blast from the past
This was posted on our old blog. I thought it was funny so would share again.
July 12, 2011
Good thing this wasn't the first
Today was the day of our home social worker visit. This is our fourth home study. You could totally tell. Let me recap the day for you -
* Jake has been sick for two days, fever and all. That makes him super helpful in preparing for our home visit.
* Our neighbor was having her driveway sealed this AM and the guys said they could add us on to their schedule this AM as well if we would like. It was a good deal and our driveway looks pretty bad. So we decided to take them up on their offer. That means Jake's trunk and boat were parked in the front yard all day. We are totally adding a little class to the neighborhood. The guys were sealing the driveway during our home study visit.
* About an hour before the scheduled visit we noticed that the kitchen sink was backing up....then the tub...and the overflow in the basement.... Lovely. So sewage about 8 inches deep in the tub, kitchen sink/washer overflow all over the laundry room, toilet (luckily clean water) backed up on the bathroom floor and in the kitchen sink. We put a quick call into MSD (Louisville sewer people) to come and check the lines. They showed up during our home study visit.
* The MSD guy said it was our problem, not theirs. Shocked. So we called the plumber who showed up about 30 minutes later for the low low price of $100/minute. Maybe not that much but it seemed close to it.
* Jake had to step out multiple times to talk to the guys sealing the driveway, the sewer people, the plumber and oh yeah, the social worker.
* We normally put the dogs in the back yard during these visits since they love to lick and stand super close to anyone who they think may pet them. We didn't put them in the back yard this time since it was 114 degrees today. We thought that could make us look like bad people....so we shoved them in the basement.
If this was my first home study, or maybe even the second, I would have NEVER signed up for a last minute sealing of the driveway. Or let the social worker show up to our truck and boat in the front yard. I would have canceled the meeting as soon as I saw sewage in the bathtub! Or when we found out Jake was sick. Not this time. Come on in Ms. Social Worker to our lovely home! Please don't walk on the driveway and step over the boat hitch (which she did) and please disregard the men working outside, inside and the smell of sewage. I wasn't even a little concerned about her coming during all of this. My how things have changed.
July 12, 2011
Good thing this wasn't the first
Today was the day of our home social worker visit. This is our fourth home study. You could totally tell. Let me recap the day for you -
* Jake has been sick for two days, fever and all. That makes him super helpful in preparing for our home visit.
* Our neighbor was having her driveway sealed this AM and the guys said they could add us on to their schedule this AM as well if we would like. It was a good deal and our driveway looks pretty bad. So we decided to take them up on their offer. That means Jake's trunk and boat were parked in the front yard all day. We are totally adding a little class to the neighborhood. The guys were sealing the driveway during our home study visit.
* About an hour before the scheduled visit we noticed that the kitchen sink was backing up....then the tub...and the overflow in the basement.... Lovely. So sewage about 8 inches deep in the tub, kitchen sink/washer overflow all over the laundry room, toilet (luckily clean water) backed up on the bathroom floor and in the kitchen sink. We put a quick call into MSD (Louisville sewer people) to come and check the lines. They showed up during our home study visit.
* The MSD guy said it was our problem, not theirs. Shocked. So we called the plumber who showed up about 30 minutes later for the low low price of $100/minute. Maybe not that much but it seemed close to it.
* Jake had to step out multiple times to talk to the guys sealing the driveway, the sewer people, the plumber and oh yeah, the social worker.
* We normally put the dogs in the back yard during these visits since they love to lick and stand super close to anyone who they think may pet them. We didn't put them in the back yard this time since it was 114 degrees today. We thought that could make us look like bad people....so we shoved them in the basement.
If this was my first home study, or maybe even the second, I would have NEVER signed up for a last minute sealing of the driveway. Or let the social worker show up to our truck and boat in the front yard. I would have canceled the meeting as soon as I saw sewage in the bathtub! Or when we found out Jake was sick. Not this time. Come on in Ms. Social Worker to our lovely home! Please don't walk on the driveway and step over the boat hitch (which she did) and please disregard the men working outside, inside and the smell of sewage. I wasn't even a little concerned about her coming during all of this. My how things have changed.
Monday, December 10, 2012
It is a little scary!
In March we cleaned out the computer room to make it a playroom. We were matched in March and thought we would be traveling to Africa any day. The room was converted to a playroom and ready to go. A few months ago I packed everything up when I was really mad so it has just been an empty room. No need to drag the computer stuff back upstairs. This is not meant to be a sad story. I promise there is a point.
As you know (see the information on the right if you don't) we are having a yard sale in the spring as a fundraiser. I am taking some items now for people who would like to donate but need to get rid of items ASAP. This is where the empty playroom comes in. It has been converted to yard sale central. It is a great idea. Perfect place. Empty room. Well, it was empty. I am SOO glad that we already have a few donations because I have been a little nervous that it will be a disaster. I had a dream I was sitting in the front yard with a little table, a sign and all I had to sell were plastic bags. Odd dream. I am generally not a big shopper and really haven't been shopping in the last few years so I don't have a lot of my own stuff to sell. Don't get me wrong I do have some. I think that everyone does! We will be very dependent on others to make this work. Here is the real point of this post. I don't know anything about yard sale items! I don't know what people buy, what they don't or how much to price items. Someone asked if we will have a one day or two day yard sale? Umm. I have no idea. Do people drag all that stuff in at night if they do two days? Geez that sounds like a crazy amount of work. My sister had a great idea to price items as I get them, sort them and box them so it will make things easier in the end. It really was a great idea but it is making to realize (right now) that I have no idea how to put a successful yard sale together! Good thing I can call in the reinforcements! I am totally going to need them! I was also informed by the yard sale queen (my sister) that we should strategically park cars out front so the yard sale looks busy which will makes people driving by want to park, jump out and fight over some kids toy. Apparently more cars = yard sale buzz. Who knew?! I am taking notes. Price now. Sort and box. Cars parked out front to create a buzz. I can do this!
Bring on the yard sale!! (....and start cleaning our your closets :-)...)
As you know (see the information on the right if you don't) we are having a yard sale in the spring as a fundraiser. I am taking some items now for people who would like to donate but need to get rid of items ASAP. This is where the empty playroom comes in. It has been converted to yard sale central. It is a great idea. Perfect place. Empty room. Well, it was empty. I am SOO glad that we already have a few donations because I have been a little nervous that it will be a disaster. I had a dream I was sitting in the front yard with a little table, a sign and all I had to sell were plastic bags. Odd dream. I am generally not a big shopper and really haven't been shopping in the last few years so I don't have a lot of my own stuff to sell. Don't get me wrong I do have some. I think that everyone does! We will be very dependent on others to make this work. Here is the real point of this post. I don't know anything about yard sale items! I don't know what people buy, what they don't or how much to price items. Someone asked if we will have a one day or two day yard sale? Umm. I have no idea. Do people drag all that stuff in at night if they do two days? Geez that sounds like a crazy amount of work. My sister had a great idea to price items as I get them, sort them and box them so it will make things easier in the end. It really was a great idea but it is making to realize (right now) that I have no idea how to put a successful yard sale together! Good thing I can call in the reinforcements! I am totally going to need them! I was also informed by the yard sale queen (my sister) that we should strategically park cars out front so the yard sale looks busy which will makes people driving by want to park, jump out and fight over some kids toy. Apparently more cars = yard sale buzz. Who knew?! I am taking notes. Price now. Sort and box. Cars parked out front to create a buzz. I can do this!
Bring on the yard sale!! (....and start cleaning our your closets :-)...)
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Are you sad?
Our adoption journey has been a bit of crazy town. We have had lots of loss, ridiculousness and everything in between. Is this the journey we wanted? No. Has it been awful? Yep. Did we ever anticipate it would shake out like this? No way. But we are okay. Although we have been through a lot we are still happy to be adopting. We are excited about China.
Of course I am not excited about the children we have lost. I think about them often and wonder how they are doing. They will always be a part of our family in their own unique way. Despite all of it, we are happy. I don't mind sharing our story but don't want it to come across that we are so sad, depressed or that this mess is dragging us down. I can easily look back and laugh about the Yellow Fever and lost dossier. It's nuts and in the past. It's okay. Things are different now then they were 6 years ago. I recently got a call about a baby who may need a home. I was glad to receive the call because sometimes that it how it works. Someone knows someone who may know of a baby....we have gotten more of those calls than I can even remember. But I didn't get excited and frankly barely thought about it. I just don't react the same way anymore. Not that we don't care but that immediate reaction to the possibility of adoption isn't the same. It is because we have a little experience in how things could go. It is part of our life and we accept it the way it is. Thing will work out. I may be 74 years old but it will happen. We have been very lucky to have such supportive family and friends. They have walked this path with us and suffered right along beside of us.
We appreciate you all!! We are very excited and hopeful. We are working hard every single say to make this adoption work.
This is what adoption has done to Jake. Straight knocked him out.
Of course I am not excited about the children we have lost. I think about them often and wonder how they are doing. They will always be a part of our family in their own unique way. Despite all of it, we are happy. I don't mind sharing our story but don't want it to come across that we are so sad, depressed or that this mess is dragging us down. I can easily look back and laugh about the Yellow Fever and lost dossier. It's nuts and in the past. It's okay. Things are different now then they were 6 years ago. I recently got a call about a baby who may need a home. I was glad to receive the call because sometimes that it how it works. Someone knows someone who may know of a baby....we have gotten more of those calls than I can even remember. But I didn't get excited and frankly barely thought about it. I just don't react the same way anymore. Not that we don't care but that immediate reaction to the possibility of adoption isn't the same. It is because we have a little experience in how things could go. It is part of our life and we accept it the way it is. Thing will work out. I may be 74 years old but it will happen. We have been very lucky to have such supportive family and friends. They have walked this path with us and suffered right along beside of us.
We appreciate you all!! We are very excited and hopeful. We are working hard every single say to make this adoption work.
This is what adoption has done to Jake. Straight knocked him out.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
They did what?!
I have received a few questions on the whole lost dossier thing.
I immediately began preparing our dossier when we started with our Chinese agency in May. The documents included - new home study, birth certificates, marriage license, tax returns, medical documents, employment verification, passport copies, money and some other items. You get the picture. It is the type of packet you would get upon entering the witness protection program. It included information about our families, jobs, college degrees, social security numbers....you know...EVERYTHING! Even blood type. All of these documents must be certified at the state level and be sent to Washington DC for authentication at the US Embassy and Chinese Consulate. This is where things went very wrong.
Included in our package to DC were all of the originals and a full set of copies. The Chinese Consulate keeps the copies, stamps the originals and sends them back. We use overnight shipping to our courier service in DC to ensure that the documents are cared for and safe. I received a message from our courier service to call. I did and could hear in her voice that something was wrong. She said that she received my first package and wondered when the second package would arrive. Umm, what second package?? I said that there was only ONE package. She immediately explained that some of the copies were in the box but had been shoved in. I clearly did not shove my dossier documents into a box before shipping them. All the originals were gone. The checks and money orders were gone. Hmm. That's not good. As soon as she was done telling me that everything was missing I just said "I think I need to call you back". That was all I could get out. I honestly had no idea what to do. Who do you call? The FBI? Police? SWAT team?? The President?! HOLY COW. This was an emergency for sure.
I began to have a strong dislike-hate relationship with FedEx over the next two weeks. I was blamed for the documents not making it. They blamed my courier service. Then they said "we don't look for just paper". They said there was no evidence it happened while in their custody. They could find NO trace of our documents. I used the phases "I need to speak with someone else", "I can't talk to you anymore" and "What do you mean FedEx takes no responsibility for the loss of my confidential documents?" a few times. I talked to a lot of not-so-helpful people. I am pretty sure that some people missed the customer service training. I had to argue to even get back the money I paid to overnight our box. The box had been resealed with the good things missing. The box was not flagged (per the FedEx policy) when it was resealed/determine tampered with. I had to assume something suspicious happened and surely deserved to get my money back.
I was able to regenerate our entire dossier in about a month. That was about a $700 mess up. We also had to completely lock down our credit since FedEx could not come up with our documents. We had to assume someone stole the documents from the box since we couldn't prove anything else. At this time I don't think that anyone has tried to open any credit cards or buy a house using our names. In the spring we will check with social security to see if anyone is working under our numbers. We can add learning how to completely lock your credit, checking to see if someone is working under your social security number and the shipping policies of FedEx to the list of things adoption has taught us. Oh the things we have learned!! I should be keeping a list of all the lessons I have learned. It would be a colorful list.
I immediately began preparing our dossier when we started with our Chinese agency in May. The documents included - new home study, birth certificates, marriage license, tax returns, medical documents, employment verification, passport copies, money and some other items. You get the picture. It is the type of packet you would get upon entering the witness protection program. It included information about our families, jobs, college degrees, social security numbers....you know...EVERYTHING! Even blood type. All of these documents must be certified at the state level and be sent to Washington DC for authentication at the US Embassy and Chinese Consulate. This is where things went very wrong.
Included in our package to DC were all of the originals and a full set of copies. The Chinese Consulate keeps the copies, stamps the originals and sends them back. We use overnight shipping to our courier service in DC to ensure that the documents are cared for and safe. I received a message from our courier service to call. I did and could hear in her voice that something was wrong. She said that she received my first package and wondered when the second package would arrive. Umm, what second package?? I said that there was only ONE package. She immediately explained that some of the copies were in the box but had been shoved in. I clearly did not shove my dossier documents into a box before shipping them. All the originals were gone. The checks and money orders were gone. Hmm. That's not good. As soon as she was done telling me that everything was missing I just said "I think I need to call you back". That was all I could get out. I honestly had no idea what to do. Who do you call? The FBI? Police? SWAT team?? The President?! HOLY COW. This was an emergency for sure.
I began to have a strong dislike-hate relationship with FedEx over the next two weeks. I was blamed for the documents not making it. They blamed my courier service. Then they said "we don't look for just paper". They said there was no evidence it happened while in their custody. They could find NO trace of our documents. I used the phases "I need to speak with someone else", "I can't talk to you anymore" and "What do you mean FedEx takes no responsibility for the loss of my confidential documents?" a few times. I talked to a lot of not-so-helpful people. I am pretty sure that some people missed the customer service training. I had to argue to even get back the money I paid to overnight our box. The box had been resealed with the good things missing. The box was not flagged (per the FedEx policy) when it was resealed/determine tampered with. I had to assume something suspicious happened and surely deserved to get my money back.
I was able to regenerate our entire dossier in about a month. That was about a $700 mess up. We also had to completely lock down our credit since FedEx could not come up with our documents. We had to assume someone stole the documents from the box since we couldn't prove anything else. At this time I don't think that anyone has tried to open any credit cards or buy a house using our names. In the spring we will check with social security to see if anyone is working under our numbers. We can add learning how to completely lock your credit, checking to see if someone is working under your social security number and the shipping policies of FedEx to the list of things adoption has taught us. Oh the things we have learned!! I should be keeping a list of all the lessons I have learned. It would be a colorful list.
Monday, December 3, 2012
A little history
It all started six years ago. Fast forward past two years of fertility treatments and we arrived at adoption. I always thought that adoption would be part of our journey. We had talked about it. I didn't think that it would happen this way but it did.
Here is a little part of our journey so you can better understand the path we have walked, the passion we have for adoption and why we are fighting so hard after six years. Our first adoption attempt was a domestic attempt. It was private, meaning no agency was involved. We had the best lawyer in town who walked us and the birth mother through each step. She met with our social worker. I went to the ultrasound appointments. She told us to have a baby shower. We were matched with her for over four months. It doesn't seem long looking back but it only takes a minute to be 100% in. Many things happened to prevent this adoption from taking place but it was not because the mother opted to parent. The baby girl did not go to live with her but went into family foster care. We had started a relationship with her parents, her other children, etc. Things unraveled at the very end due to the birth father and a variety of other things. It was a tough situation for the mother. She was in a position, with pressures I can't imagine, and I can't say I would have done anything different. She was scared for her life. It was awful and our first taste of how hard this could be.
We were SOO naive when we started with our second adoption. It was going to be an international adoption because IA is easy. There are so many children who need families. I would just fill out my paperwork and wait. Things would all work out. We would just move through all the steps and we would be parents. BOO. That didn't happen either. We started our adoption process for Africa in 2009. We picked the wrong agency. They were awful. Really awful. Their parent agency had good reviews and we were fooled into thinking they were the same people with the same ethical policies. Um, not so much. Our home study agency advised us to file formal complaints against them because they were so appalled at the treatment we received and how they literally blackmailed us. It was awesome! No stress at all. On top of the awful agency the country decided to close it's doors to international adoption. We were devastated again. But wait! They were going to let us stay in "line" since we had already been approved. We were so happy. This was going to be it. We waited and waited and waited for news of progress. The government changed governing adoption authority. Hired new people. Put new policies in place but we were still in line. Still waiting for a referral. Then it happened! In Feb 2012 we were matched! With a baby boy! As the months ticked on we could tell things were not going well. We needed ONE signature. That was it. After that signature was placed on our referral documents we would have been there in 72 hours. We waited for months for the one signature that never came. For a variety of reasons that I may never fully understand, our file was closed and the little boy was left in the orphanage. He is still here today. All of the waiting families and matched children had their files closed. It was determined that they were better off in an orphanage in Africa then in a family in the US. The government has a hope and dream that all children in their country can be taken care of within their own borders. I wish that for them as well. It's just not a reality. The children living in the orphanages now are left in the wake of dreams for the future. They are being denied homes. Being denied families. This adoption has been the longest and the hardest by far. I think it's because I know he is still in the orphanage. I know which orphanage. I hear stories from people who visit. It's hard to wrap your mind around.
Insert the Yellow Fever I contracted from the vaccine I got in order to travel to Africa. Not sure which paragraph to put that in but it totally needs to be in here somewhere!
In the middle of the Africa adoption we attempted to adopt from Ukraine. We were not looking for that adoption. Not even a little. I found her on a waiting child website and just KNEW that we were supposed to adopt her. I convinced our home study agency to allow a concurrent adoption, which they never do, so we could adopt her. Whipped up the documents, mailed them to Ukraine and thought we were going to travel in a couple of months when we got "the call". Long story short the little girl who we thought was our daughter never would be. We named her, carried her pictures around, prepared her room and it never happened. We were matched with a child that was not cleared for international adoption. We were devastated again.
That is three stories of adoption hot mess. This is not everyone's story. Some people start their adoptions and are home with their bundle of joy in 5 minutes flat. It is easy. Joyful. Fast. Seamless. And then there are people who have a failed adoption. A birthmother decides placement is no longer her plan. A country closes to international adoption. And then there is us. People who have had every.single.awful.experience. Don't let our story scare you away from adoption. It's NOT LIKE THIS! I also want to point out that we are not complete idiots either. Our awful agency was Hague accredited and completed over 15,000 adoptions. Our Ukraine attempt was through an organization that only matched children with special needs. They do hundreds of adoptions a year. A story about them was shared on the national nightly new as a great program. Our domestic attempt just went south because of absolute craziness. I promise I research. Things just happen.
So here we are at our China adoption. We have a GREAT agency. We are in a STABLE program. Our agency has assured me 175x that this adoption will happen. We will be matched. We will be approved. We will be parents. We will. We will. We will.
There is our adoption journey summed up in a few paragraphs. It's long. It's crazy. It's moving in the right direction!
Here is a little part of our journey so you can better understand the path we have walked, the passion we have for adoption and why we are fighting so hard after six years. Our first adoption attempt was a domestic attempt. It was private, meaning no agency was involved. We had the best lawyer in town who walked us and the birth mother through each step. She met with our social worker. I went to the ultrasound appointments. She told us to have a baby shower. We were matched with her for over four months. It doesn't seem long looking back but it only takes a minute to be 100% in. Many things happened to prevent this adoption from taking place but it was not because the mother opted to parent. The baby girl did not go to live with her but went into family foster care. We had started a relationship with her parents, her other children, etc. Things unraveled at the very end due to the birth father and a variety of other things. It was a tough situation for the mother. She was in a position, with pressures I can't imagine, and I can't say I would have done anything different. She was scared for her life. It was awful and our first taste of how hard this could be.
We were SOO naive when we started with our second adoption. It was going to be an international adoption because IA is easy. There are so many children who need families. I would just fill out my paperwork and wait. Things would all work out. We would just move through all the steps and we would be parents. BOO. That didn't happen either. We started our adoption process for Africa in 2009. We picked the wrong agency. They were awful. Really awful. Their parent agency had good reviews and we were fooled into thinking they were the same people with the same ethical policies. Um, not so much. Our home study agency advised us to file formal complaints against them because they were so appalled at the treatment we received and how they literally blackmailed us. It was awesome! No stress at all. On top of the awful agency the country decided to close it's doors to international adoption. We were devastated again. But wait! They were going to let us stay in "line" since we had already been approved. We were so happy. This was going to be it. We waited and waited and waited for news of progress. The government changed governing adoption authority. Hired new people. Put new policies in place but we were still in line. Still waiting for a referral. Then it happened! In Feb 2012 we were matched! With a baby boy! As the months ticked on we could tell things were not going well. We needed ONE signature. That was it. After that signature was placed on our referral documents we would have been there in 72 hours. We waited for months for the one signature that never came. For a variety of reasons that I may never fully understand, our file was closed and the little boy was left in the orphanage. He is still here today. All of the waiting families and matched children had their files closed. It was determined that they were better off in an orphanage in Africa then in a family in the US. The government has a hope and dream that all children in their country can be taken care of within their own borders. I wish that for them as well. It's just not a reality. The children living in the orphanages now are left in the wake of dreams for the future. They are being denied homes. Being denied families. This adoption has been the longest and the hardest by far. I think it's because I know he is still in the orphanage. I know which orphanage. I hear stories from people who visit. It's hard to wrap your mind around.
Insert the Yellow Fever I contracted from the vaccine I got in order to travel to Africa. Not sure which paragraph to put that in but it totally needs to be in here somewhere!
In the middle of the Africa adoption we attempted to adopt from Ukraine. We were not looking for that adoption. Not even a little. I found her on a waiting child website and just KNEW that we were supposed to adopt her. I convinced our home study agency to allow a concurrent adoption, which they never do, so we could adopt her. Whipped up the documents, mailed them to Ukraine and thought we were going to travel in a couple of months when we got "the call". Long story short the little girl who we thought was our daughter never would be. We named her, carried her pictures around, prepared her room and it never happened. We were matched with a child that was not cleared for international adoption. We were devastated again.
That is three stories of adoption hot mess. This is not everyone's story. Some people start their adoptions and are home with their bundle of joy in 5 minutes flat. It is easy. Joyful. Fast. Seamless. And then there are people who have a failed adoption. A birthmother decides placement is no longer her plan. A country closes to international adoption. And then there is us. People who have had every.single.awful.experience. Don't let our story scare you away from adoption. It's NOT LIKE THIS! I also want to point out that we are not complete idiots either. Our awful agency was Hague accredited and completed over 15,000 adoptions. Our Ukraine attempt was through an organization that only matched children with special needs. They do hundreds of adoptions a year. A story about them was shared on the national nightly new as a great program. Our domestic attempt just went south because of absolute craziness. I promise I research. Things just happen.
So here we are at our China adoption. We have a GREAT agency. We are in a STABLE program. Our agency has assured me 175x that this adoption will happen. We will be matched. We will be approved. We will be parents. We will. We will. We will.
There is our adoption journey summed up in a few paragraphs. It's long. It's crazy. It's moving in the right direction!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Adoption from China
The adoption process can be hard to understand and follow from the outside. Every country is different. Different paperwork. Different time lines. Different referral process. Agencies are different. The list could go on and on. Here is a little summary about how the process has and will work for us in our China adoption.
We first decided that the China program was a good fit for our family. We were not old enough to adopt from China when we began our first, second or third adoptions but we are now! After we decided that the China program was a good fit for us we then needed to decide which program we wanted to enroll in. The two first choices were special needs vs non special needs. We decided that the special needs program (SN) was the one for us for many reasons. Jake and I both work with children who have a variety of needs and feel that we can successfully parent a child(ren) with SNs. I understand that it is not for everyone but it is for us.
After we were accepted to our agency I began the paperwork - new homestudy, gathered birth certificates, marriage license, proof of income, reference letters, pet vaccination record, medical examinations, etc. Although we have had multiple homestudies and two previous dossiers, we had to start from scratch. That is because documents expire, countries have different requirements and some of our information has changed since the Rwanda/Ukraine/domestic documents were completed. That process generally takes 6 months. Since I am a professional when it comes to adoption paperwork I was able to whip this all out in just 3 months. There was the little FedEx incident so I had to add a little time onto our time line while I generated another dossier.
Included in the paperwork is the medical checklist. This is a lengthy checklist of medical conditions that your child(ren) may have. Through this list you can familiarize yourself with the possibilities, research different medical conditions and provide your agency with information about what medical needs you feel you are able to appropriate care for. This part is always strange for me. But then again this whole process can feel odd.
Our children will have some form of special needs. The needs may be mild or may be more involved. We simply won't know until we get our referrals but honestly won't know until the children get home. The needs could be visible to others, they may not be visible. We may disclose our children's medical needs or we may not. Depending on the nature of the medical need it may be more appropriate to have further testing, speak with more doctors or allow our child to determine if or when they want to share their medical condition with family and friends. We just won't know until it is time to cross that bridge. Please remember this if we don't immediately reveal their medical conditions.
Our dossier was logged in (LID) on Oct 22 which is the time our agency can begin to match us. There are a few ways our agency can locate the files of children who are available for adoption.
1) China releases a large list of children's adoption files approximately one time a month. Every agency in the world has access this this list and may "lock" files for their families to review. This list is call the Shared List.
2) China also releases adoption files to specific agencies meaning that agency is the only one that can "see" that file. That agency is able to make a referral to families working with their agency. This is call agency designated files.
3) Some agencies in the US have partnerships/charitable relationships with specific orphanages in China. Through this relationship the agency provides support directly to the orphanage - supplies, provide medical care, support foster homes, etc. These orphanages will provide their adoption files to the agency they work with on a charitable level. These are partnership files.
Our referral will come from one of the above three listed ways. Our agency matches most of their children from the partnership program. The files trickle in all month so there is no way of knowing when we will get "the call". It could be tomorrow or it could be months from now.
Following our receiving our referral(s) we must be officially approved by the Chinese government, be granted US travel approval, receive a consulate appointment, etc. These steps can be completed in a wide range of time. After we accept our referrals we hope to travel in 4-7 months. Many things must fall into place so the range of time is great.
Please ask questions!! I know that this is a very abbreviated version and can be very confusing. I love questions and love to talk about adoption.
We first decided that the China program was a good fit for our family. We were not old enough to adopt from China when we began our first, second or third adoptions but we are now! After we decided that the China program was a good fit for us we then needed to decide which program we wanted to enroll in. The two first choices were special needs vs non special needs. We decided that the special needs program (SN) was the one for us for many reasons. Jake and I both work with children who have a variety of needs and feel that we can successfully parent a child(ren) with SNs. I understand that it is not for everyone but it is for us.
After we were accepted to our agency I began the paperwork - new homestudy, gathered birth certificates, marriage license, proof of income, reference letters, pet vaccination record, medical examinations, etc. Although we have had multiple homestudies and two previous dossiers, we had to start from scratch. That is because documents expire, countries have different requirements and some of our information has changed since the Rwanda/Ukraine/domestic documents were completed. That process generally takes 6 months. Since I am a professional when it comes to adoption paperwork I was able to whip this all out in just 3 months. There was the little FedEx incident so I had to add a little time onto our time line while I generated another dossier.
Included in the paperwork is the medical checklist. This is a lengthy checklist of medical conditions that your child(ren) may have. Through this list you can familiarize yourself with the possibilities, research different medical conditions and provide your agency with information about what medical needs you feel you are able to appropriate care for. This part is always strange for me. But then again this whole process can feel odd.
Our children will have some form of special needs. The needs may be mild or may be more involved. We simply won't know until we get our referrals but honestly won't know until the children get home. The needs could be visible to others, they may not be visible. We may disclose our children's medical needs or we may not. Depending on the nature of the medical need it may be more appropriate to have further testing, speak with more doctors or allow our child to determine if or when they want to share their medical condition with family and friends. We just won't know until it is time to cross that bridge. Please remember this if we don't immediately reveal their medical conditions.
Our dossier was logged in (LID) on Oct 22 which is the time our agency can begin to match us. There are a few ways our agency can locate the files of children who are available for adoption.
1) China releases a large list of children's adoption files approximately one time a month. Every agency in the world has access this this list and may "lock" files for their families to review. This list is call the Shared List.
2) China also releases adoption files to specific agencies meaning that agency is the only one that can "see" that file. That agency is able to make a referral to families working with their agency. This is call agency designated files.
3) Some agencies in the US have partnerships/charitable relationships with specific orphanages in China. Through this relationship the agency provides support directly to the orphanage - supplies, provide medical care, support foster homes, etc. These orphanages will provide their adoption files to the agency they work with on a charitable level. These are partnership files.
Our referral will come from one of the above three listed ways. Our agency matches most of their children from the partnership program. The files trickle in all month so there is no way of knowing when we will get "the call". It could be tomorrow or it could be months from now.
Following our receiving our referral(s) we must be officially approved by the Chinese government, be granted US travel approval, receive a consulate appointment, etc. These steps can be completed in a wide range of time. After we accept our referrals we hope to travel in 4-7 months. Many things must fall into place so the range of time is great.
Please ask questions!! I know that this is a very abbreviated version and can be very confusing. I love questions and love to talk about adoption.
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