Gifts!

We received our pre-approval for both children in the last few weeks. That allows us to send care packages to our babies! Our agency provided us with the orphanage information in both English and Chinese. The items had to fit in a shoebox....which is hard to do! I am not exactly sure what size clothing each of the littles wear so I took a guess. I sent 12 month to Ayla and 18 month to Isaac. Hope they fit.

We sent a few pieces of clothing, socks, a blankie, ball, candy for the nannies, a disposable camera and a flash drive. I am hoping that the nannies will use the disposable camera or flash drive to take some photos of this sweet time we are missing. Our agency provided a letter to use that we were to include in the package explaining who we are, the child we are adopting and requesting that the camera be used for photos. No promises but we have to try!

We also have duplicate toys and blankies for us to take with us. We are hoping that we will have something that they recognize, like and feel happy to see on our first day together.

Attachment

I remember posting about attachment on my old blog so I went back looking. It was strange to look back on that blog. Lots of stuff there.

This is post #1 from there. I will post more on this topic over the next week or so.

A4everfamily.org is a website about attachment issues for children who are adopted. I am going to post a variety of posts over the next week or so from their website.

Myth: Babies Bond with Foster Families and Easily "Transfer Attachment" to Their Forever Families

It is naive to say that a baby can simply transfer attachment from one person to another. They need to go through the attachment process, long and difficult for many.

The child has not only experienced the traumatic loss of his birth mother (remember, to him, he and the birth mother were one, so losing his birth mother is akin to experiencing a life and death situation), but he has likely experienced one or more additional placements, all confirming what he learned at birth: the world is not a safe place and he must control it in order to feel safe.

Many attachment professionals explain that the emotional age is set back to zero months when a child is placed with a new family. The child often will go through a grieving process first and will struggle with trusting someone new. Many mothers claim that their baby "attached" in the first days or weeks home. People mistake a child who is scared and clinging to the new caregiver or happy and smiling (in a honeymoon attempt to get along) as "attached". This is not a healthy and secure attachment. The attachment process is different for every child, and it does take a lot of time, nurturing, consistency and a form of parenting that promotes attachment. Love alone is not enough.

Note: Consider, also, that many babies are unable to fully attach to their foster parents. They may have nothing to "transfer." The loss of the birth mother may have been so traumatic as to prevent a good attachment right from the start. Or the child may have been moved so many times as to prevent a healthy attachment with anyone.

Emotional Age - Many attachment professionals agree that the emotional age of a child at placement is set back to zero months. It is important to always consider the emotional age of your child and not the chronological age. Emotionally, your baby needs regression in order to go through the attachment process with his forever mommy and daddy. Baby that baby!

Stay Home - Stick close to home and avoid the revolving door of visitors until the baby has had time to adjust and learn who his parents are. Remember, you are strangers to this baby. He has not been waiting a long time for you. When the time comes to introduce the baby to family and friends, it is best to limit holding to Mother and Father.

Meet Baby's Needs Quickly and Consistently - Allow baby to see you and be held by you as much as she needs to feel safe and comfortable. Respond to all cries immediately while being both calm and loving--no matter what time it is or what you are in the middle of doing.

Use Skin on Skin Contact
Bathe with baby
Carry in arms or in carrier without lots of clothing between Mommy and baby
Routine massages (morning and night) using lotion

Scents - Use the same lotion as baby. One baby brand we like carries a lavender (calming) and vanilla scent.

Bottles - Keep bottles as an attachment tool for as long as possible. Bottles should always be given in mother's arms while encouraging eye contact. Some babies have a hard time with eye contact. In this case, place your rocker in front of a large mirror so she can still see Mommy taking care of her.

Sleep - It is best to sleep while the baby sleeps so that you are alert and available for his waking hours. Co-sleeping is recommended, but expect that it may take some getting used to.

Co-Sleeping - A valuable attachment tool, co-sleeping has helped families continue the bonding process throughout the night.

Use a Baby Carrier - Carry your baby close to you as long and as often as possible

Maps

Both Ayla and Isaac are from the same province - Henan.

Ayla is in Anyang and Isaac is in Xuchang. Zhengzhou is where we will be spending most of our time while in Henan.

The second part of the trip will take place in Guangzhou in Guangdong province.

Isaac

So we are going to be parents to a BOY and a GIRL! Whoa.

How old is Isaac?

He is 13 months, soon to be 14 months old. He is 2 months younger than Ayla.

Where is he?

He is from the same province as Ayla - Henan. He is in an orphanage there, not foster care.

Will your trip be longer? How will adopting two impact your travel?

There were a few options for travel that would be based on us adopting one child, two children and province locations. Since they are from the same province our trip should remain around 16-18 days. Our trip will not be extended due to us bringing home two children. I am not sure if we will meet them on the same day but I think we may!

Does he also have special needs?

We are enrolled in the special needs/waiting child program with our agency. We know that he has a VERY minor heart condition that actually may have already completely healed. All indications are that it has. He will have a full exam upon coming home to determine if that is the case.

Is it strange to be referred a boy from China? Aren't most children adopted from China little girls?

Actually there are more waiting boys! Our agency reports, roughly, that children with special needs who are abandoned are 50/50 boys/girls. The reason there are more boys waiting is because approximately 85% of people adopting from China are only open to adopting a little girl. Again, the 85% is an estimate provided by one agency but is an indicator of why there are more boys waiting for a family. We were open to either gender so were not surprised when we saw his little face. I would have actually been shocked if we were matched with two little girls.

Will you send him a care package too? What will be in it?

We have Ayla's care package ready and will complete Isaac's this weekend. I will do a post about what we put in it.

How big is he?

We have information from his Oct 2012 check up that he is a healthy size! He was bigger at 11 months than Ayla is at 15 months.

Is he at the beach?

NO clue! We have no idea about the picture. I would guess that he is in a giant sand box but what a great photo!

Will you get an update on him with new information like you did for Ayla?

Hope so but don't know. Our agency will request one when we get LOA (approval) but cannot promise anything.

We are so excited.

Ayla is going to be a "big" sister!!

We would like to introduce you to Isaac William!

More to come....

Funny Little Things

A background form was included in Ayla's file from the orphanage. Here are a few things that they said about her.

Ayla is becoming prettier and prettier and she has a really good personality. She really loves to smile and everyone really likes her.

When Ayla was 3 months old, she liked to be accompanied by adults and whenever they would leave her, she would cry. When adults picked her up, she would immediately stop crying.

When an adult called her name or played with her, she would chuckle and laugh at them.

When she saw an adult coming, she was extremely happy, she had a big appetite and when she wanted to play with something and you didn’t give it to her, she would cry.

When Ayla saw a milk bottle she would excitedly wave her hands, shake her head and open her mouth. When Ayla was 6 months old, she grew quite chubby. When she saw a milk bottle, she would be excited, she would hum, laugh and talk with adults

Chubby? Not so sure about that.

Ayla Update

We got an update on our sweet Ayla today!

She has gotten bigger and is now on the growth charts!!

This was such great surprise as we did not know we were getting new photos! Great day!

Yard Sale

Calling everyone!! We are planning on having a yard sale in the near future to help raise funds for our adoption. We initially thought that we would have this yard sale in early April but may move it to March if we need to.

Exactly what are you raising funds for?

That is a great question. When you adopt from China an orphanage fee is charged. This fee is to help fund the orphanage - food, clothing, diapers, surgeries, nannies, etc. This fee helps care for the children who are currently living in the orphanage and the ones who will be there in the future. This fee is per child adopted. So two children = two fees. The fee is approximately $5,500 per child. We anticipate needing $11,000 in orphanage fees. This money is required BEFORE we leave the US. All yard sale funds, CoupAide and direct donations will go to this fund.

Yard sale donations!

We are now collecting SOME items for the yard sale. We are scheduling pick up times and dates for people who have large items or a larger quantity of items. We want to allow ourselves time to pick up the items, sort, price, etc. We have been so blessed already with some amazing large items to add to our yard sale. We have also heard from a few people that they have many items to donate that would require lengthy time to pick up. So if you have 1) a large item or 2) a large quantity of items please email, text or call us so we can pick up your items!! Any pick-up time in Jan, Feb or March would be fine. We want to make sure you have plenty of time to prepare. In approx a month we will put out an all-call for all items big and small.

Once again we are so thankful to all of our family and friends who have been supporting us along the way. It means so much to us that you are walking this path with us.

Oh my

The last couple of weeks have been crazy. They have felt sooo long. The days have been dragging on as we are now waiting for our second referral and our final approval. Once we received her referral we had to generate a dossier summary form. It was two pages and very brief. Our pre-approval from China was based on that information. Now we wait for our official approval - LOA. This is two steps. Step one is getting our dossier through translation then we will be OOT (out of translation). After our dossier is OOT our dossier will be moved to the review room. Recently LOA's have been issued, on average, 4 weeks following your OOT date. Are you confused yet? Our official approval will come after our full dossier is reviewed and the information on the pre-approval form is verified. Our agency stated that our LOA should be expected 2-3 months from our PA date. So about 60-90 days. That sounds about right based on recent averages.

Well, our dossier is already OOT! We had pre-approval last Friday and we were out of translation yesterday (Tuesday)! So did that 60-90 day wait just turn into a 30 day wait???? Who knows. Maybe. Maybe not. We have 30 days until the government is closed for Chinese New Year (for a week). So that would add on another week if we don't get in before CNY.

I hope that wasn't too confusing. Never ever EVER have adoption steps gone faster. Ever. We initially were hoping to travel around the end of May or beginning of June. Granted that was a TOTAL guess but now I am wondering if it could more like late April or early May. Holy awesomeness!

Day Count

Days since....

CCAI Acceptance - 250
DTC - 86
LID - 76
Ayla's Referral - 11
LOI Submitted - 9
PA - 2

Now we are waiting for LOA for Ayla and referral #2!

A Little More Information

We are so excited! Thank you for all the kind words and support! We are very lucky to have wonderful family and friends who support our adoption and family. Not everyone has that. I am going to answer some questions!

What is PA? I thought you were already approved?

We had been approved by our home study agency, our agency and the US government. PA is from the Chinese government. They issued a pre-approval based on a summary of our dossier.

What is the next step?

We are now waiting for our full official approval. Our agency has estimated that it will take 2-3 months from now.

I thought you wanted to adopt two children?

We do. We are still waiting for a second referral. There are no guarantees that we will actually be issued a second referral but we are VERY hopeful. It will depend on the files that are issued to our agency over the next 45-60 days. We need to be matched with a second child in the next 1-2 months to allow for one trip to China.

I know you were enrolled in the special needs program. Do you know what her special needs are?

She is in the limb difference category. We know she is missing bones in both lower extremities but honestly won't know more until she gets home. The medical report from 10 months was very promising stating that she was sitting, crawling and standing alone. Good stuff.

Where is she? What do you know about the orphanage?

She is in Anyang city in the Henan province. She spent approx 6 weeks in the Anyang SWI (orphanage) but has been in foster care ever since! We feel that this is a true blessing. Our agency, CCAI, has a large foster care sponsor program in the Henan province but she is not being sponsored by them. I am not sure who is sponsoring her foster care but I am trying to find out.

When are you going to travel?

That is the question of the day! We don't know. I think we will travel in May/June but there are many variables. The largest is *when* we get our second referral. The sooner, the better. There will be more on this later but we are hoping May/June. Probably not any sooner but could be later.

How close in age is she to Reese?

They are 26 days apart in age. Reese is older.

Will you get updates? Can you send her stuff?

I hope that are get at least one update between now and when we travel. Don't know if that will actually happen though. I will keep you posted! Our agency prefers that we send care packages directly to the orphanage vs using a third party group. We are preparing a care package right now. I will post more about what we sent later.

How big is she?

She is a wee little thing. No concerns in height and weight but at her last medical check up (in August) she was itty bitty.

A Little Christmas Joy

I can't believe the holidays are already over! What did we do you may ask?

ate some cookies......

ate some candy canes....

hung out with family and friends......

enjoyed the snow.....

and, oh yeah, got our REFERRAL, submitted our Letter of Intent AND received our pre-approval!!!!

This sweet little amazing girl is 15 months old and will be our daughter!!

I don't even know what else to say! We are SOOOO excited!

Little Ayla Catherine Duncan we are coming for you!!!